ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DREAM

That's our Papang. This was when he arrived from the US of A to visit my Mamang and Ate. He set his new camera on timer. That's why he looked so surprised. Photo scanned by Extrachunky.

"Chaaarm.....Chaaarms.....Sweetheart!" goes my wake-up call. After a 10 month long job at sea, my Papang used to wake me up early in the morning to have breakfast with him. His favorite was kinilaw and so is mine. It may be odd for others that that's what for breakfast. He said breakfast is the best to have that food because morning is when you get the freshest fish.

Often my Papa and I went for a walk very very early in the morning at the airport. Walking to and fro in the runway and we did trivia games. Geography was our favorite. He asked the country and I gave him its capital or vice versa. But no relationship is perfect. We laughed. We cried. We fought. We don't see each other for days. I ran away. After our disagreements, we hugged, kissed and made up. At some point, I hated him for hurting me... and those were times I didn't like him calling me "Charms". During those last months of his life, he got much sweeter than ever and we got so much closer again ...way too closer this time. On that very day before he went away while he was in the hospital, I begged so hard to God not to take him away from me. Not just yet. I wasn't ready. I can't imagine life without him. But I can't stop God's plan. I can not question His decision. Papang went to his eternal place on April 16th 4 years ago. It took time for me to realize and sink to my mind and heart that he is gone. He is forever gone.

I remember now when those times I loathed him for calling me "Charms". Oh! How much I cringed when he calls me that pet name lovingly. I just hated it. But now, I miss it. I miss it so much. I miss his wake up call. I just simply miss him.

The song sang by the Everly Brothers, All I Have To Do Is Dream used to be the song he loved to dance with me. I wish it can still happen. Not maybe physically but I'll dance with him in my dreams.

"'pang, I miss you. I'll dance with you again in my dreams. I love you."


Everly Brothers - All I have to do is Dream 1972

(Released 1958)

Dream dream dream dream
Dream dream dream dream
when I want you in my arms
when I want you and all your charms
whenever I want you
All I have to do is dream

Dream dream dream
when I feel blue in the night
and I need you to hold me tight
whenever I want you all
I have to do is dream

I can make you mine
taste your lips of wine
any time night or day
only trouble is gee whiz
I'm dreaming my life away

I need you so that I could die
I love you so and that is why
whenever I want you
all I have to do is dream
dream dream dream dream
dream dream dream dream





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MOON RIVER AND ME

I am a hopeless romantic. I am not afraid to admit it. I guess all ladies are. I have never met a guy that's one except for my brother. Have you?

I remember when my Ate Aimee and Dicci were still in the Philippines, we'd watch movies like Sleepless in Seattle, An Affair to Remember, Breakfast at Tiffany's, My Fair Lady and While You Were Sleeping to name a few. It was always a marathon. One movie per night is not enough. I miss those times. I miss them a lot. I wish they're here to watch Serendipity with me. :(

I'm gonna call them soon. I think watching the movie can still happen. They can watch the movie in their respective homes. I'll watch it in my room and we'll talk over the phone while watching. Am I making sense? :)

I miss my family so much. I am missing my Dicci. She and I love this song a whole lot. :(


Just sharing this song for all hopeless romantic like me.


"Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going
I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's... such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me."

THE PERFECT GIFT IS THE PERFECT LOVE

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone-
To have a deep soul relationship with another-
Be loved thoroughly, and exclusively.
But God, to a Christian, says:
I want you to be satisfied, fulfilled, and content
With being loved by Me alone-
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me-
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship
With Me alone.
Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the best human relationship
That I have planned for you.

I want you to be united with another after you are united with Me-
Exclusive of anyone or anything else,
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing,
And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing-
One that you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best-
Please allow Me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching Me, trusting Me-
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.
You just wait.
That's all.

Don't be anxious.
Don't worry.
Don't look around at the things
Others have gotten or that I've given them.
Don't look at the things you think you want.
You just keep looking off and up to Me,
Or you'll miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love
Far more wonderful than any you would dream of.
You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready,
(I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time),
Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I prepared for you,
You won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me.
And this is the perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have the most wonderful love.
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me,
And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love
That I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love you utterly.
I am God.
Believe and be satisfied.

-author and original title unknown

To my cousin Eloise , thank you for sharing me this poem.

"I used to plan things and have things my own way. Like my motto back then when I was a spoiled brat, " what Charmaine wants, Charmaine gets". As difficult and humbling to admit it, YES! I was! But it's different now. I've come to realize that there's a Master Planner who knows what's best for me. I am offering everything to Him and take each day as it comes."

GOODBYE MY TOMORROW

Love is very complicated, so I thought, until I learned that I made it complex. It just hurts deeply when one learns that love is not his priority. ...that you'll never be a part of his future. ...that you're not part of that plan. It sucks when you felt like you're driving alone so fast in a one way highway. It just isn't fair. Love isn't fair. Life isn't fair.

I asked myself lately if I am feeling it. If it feels like it. Yes, I am thrilled just thinking about him. I long for the time he is there. It's been 67 hours since I heard from him. It seems like a lifetime. It was an agreement not to communicate for at least 3 days. I hate it. I didn't like being in limbo. It sounds crazy but saying his name under my breath makes me smile. Listening to his voice and rewinding it all over again in my head sounds like music to me. I can just imagine him lulling me to sleep beside him. He is indeed my happy thought!

But, guess what? The first day was bad. The second day was worst but the third day, I came to realize that this is not the right time for a new love. He's not ready. I thought I was. I think we both are terrified of a new commitment. I want to take that plunge with someone who is proud to be in a relationship. ...someone who'd like to grow old with me. I don't want to enjoy the rest of my life alone. I want to savor every last drop of life with that someone who love to live life with me. I want it to be him. I want to laugh and cry with him. But, I guess that wouldn't be the case anymore.

I wonder if he misses me too. I wonder if his world is tilting like mine. I am starting to lose that grip. Am I really falling? Is he?

This is really odd when it feels like I am really falling to someone that quick. I grew up with boys. I don't easily get swayed with sweet talks but it's different with him. I listen to what he says and I believe him. I'm one with the boys. I never get tongue tied with their presence but with him was different. I became so quiet and I was able to hear my thoughts so clearly for the very first time.

If we really belong together and if all the signs are right, it will happen. I know for sure that it's not going to be NOW. ... and I hope that when it happens, there will be no complications. For the very first time in my life, I am willing to wait what God has in store for me. I'll just keep on praying for the best for everyone. I am not going to pray for me, myself and I anymore. When you love, you become unselfish.

It wouldn't hurt that much if I shed a tear or two just thinking about losing it. But I have to stop it before it begun.

Good bye for now Zorro! Until we meet again in my tomorrow!







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CATCH ME IF YOU CAN

Photo by Eloise

Do you believe in magic? Do you believe in spark at first sight? Do you believe in signs? Do you believe in strange coincidences? I did and I still do. I can't explain the feeling but it did really happen to me. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. It makes me smile.


Free Fallin'

Is falling in love that easy? .... that quick? Is making the right decision that hard? Is praying and hoping what you want fair? Is it true that sometimes falling in love comes in a flash? Will it go as quick as it came? I hope not. I want to linger on to that feeling of free falling. .... of being in love. But then again, I can't help doubting myself if it is the right decision. What if he won't catch me because he can't? I wish I can stay in cloud 9 at this very moment but I've got no choice and be under that cloud of doubt for the meantime.

I can't sleep these past few weeks. This so called reality is indeed so much better than my dreams. He is my caffeine. He is my Tylenol. He is my sunshine after the rain. He is the light in my tunnel. He made all the pain go away. He was the reason that I found laughter again. He made me feel good. He made it all better.

In the past years, I remember praying for all things to be in my favor. I did so fervently for years. I didn't get what I wanted and they ended up on deaf ears. It disappointed me. I lost hope. I stopped believing in prayers until I realized that there were reasons why they weren't heard. I hope , as what Lil Divine says, my unanswered prayers will be my greatest gift from God. If I can't have him then I am very happy and grateful to have and treasure the friendship. No matter how much I really wanted to be selfish this time again but I won't. I will pray for what is best for me, for him and for everybody. I just need to cling to hope a little bit tighter.

FYI, I am not expecting for someone who can sweep me off my feet. ...who can give me the moon and the stars instead watch the stars and the moon with me. I am not looking for someone who can shower me with Louis Vuittons and Guccis ...but someone who'd cry with me when I am hurt. ...who'd laugh with me when I'm happy . Someone who'd fight for me even if sometimes I think I am hardly worth it. ... someone who'll love me for being me. If I can't have the Mr. Right then I am fine with the OKAY one. :)

Now, I am opening my life with all the possibilities. I have cleaned all my senses. I will be rocking this world. I am getting ready to take another plunge again. So now, I am holding my breath and I'm excited for what is coming hereafter.

He told me once that love is the answer. I agree with him.Thank you Love for making my world go round and round. Because of you, I am living life and loving it all over again.