Thursday, September 3, 2009
GOODBYE MY TOMORROW
Love is very complicated, so I thought, until I learned that I made it complex. It just hurts deeply when one learns that love is not his priority. ...that you'll never be a part of his future. ...that you're not part of that plan. It sucks when you felt like you're driving alone so fast in a one way highway. It just isn't fair. Love isn't fair. Life isn't fair.
I asked myself lately if I am feeling it. If it feels like it. Yes, I am thrilled just thinking about him. I long for the time he is there. It's been 67 hours since I heard from him. It seems like a lifetime. It was an agreement not to communicate for at least 3 days. I hate it. I didn't like being in limbo. It sounds crazy but saying his name under my breath makes me smile. Listening to his voice and rewinding it all over again in my head sounds like music to me. I can just imagine him lulling me to sleep beside him. He is indeed my happy thought!
But, guess what? The first day was bad. The second day was worst but the third day, I came to realize that this is not the right time for a new love. He's not ready. I thought I was. I think we both are terrified of a new commitment. I want to take that plunge with someone who is proud to be in a relationship. ...someone who'd like to grow old with me. I don't want to enjoy the rest of my life alone. I want to savor every last drop of life with that someone who love to live life with me. I want it to be him. I want to laugh and cry with him. But, I guess that wouldn't be the case anymore.
I wonder if he misses me too. I wonder if his world is tilting like mine. I am starting to lose that grip. Am I really falling? Is he?
This is really odd when it feels like I am really falling to someone that quick. I grew up with boys. I don't easily get swayed with sweet talks but it's different with him. I listen to what he says and I believe him. I'm one with the boys. I never get tongue tied with their presence but with him was different. I became so quiet and I was able to hear my thoughts so clearly for the very first time.
If we really belong together and if all the signs are right, it will happen. I know for sure that it's not going to be NOW. ... and I hope that when it happens, there will be no complications. For the very first time in my life, I am willing to wait what God has in store for me. I'll just keep on praying for the best for everyone. I am not going to pray for me, myself and I anymore. When you love, you become unselfish.
It wouldn't hurt that much if I shed a tear or two just thinking about losing it. But I have to stop it before it begun.
Good bye for now Zorro! Until we meet again in my tomorrow!